The Holidays

By Miriam

For many people, the holidays are a lonely and much-dreaded time.

Sure, there are many people for whom this time of year brings immense joy, excitement, warmheartedness, generosity, and love. Family and loved ones get together for Thanksgiving, the radio and various stores begin playing Christmas music in December (some begin earlier), storefronts are aglow from Christmas lights and adorned with red and green decorations, kids begin to ask Santa for their favorite gifts, the Hallmark Channel releases Christmas rom-coms, people get together with their family and loved ones on Christmas Day and on New Years Eve… a lot happens from Thanksgiving to New Years Day.

While this reality is highlighted the most in mainstream media (and in general society itself), what is less talked about is the reality that is opposite to this one.

If you are currently, have been, or ever do find yourself in, this less-talked-about reality — you are not alone.

Even though it may feel like you are.

Whether you have lost a loved one (or loved ones), recently ended (or had someone end) a once-cherished relationship, are estranged from your family, weren’t invited to a party/gathering, want to spend time with family/loved ones but aren’t able to due to physical distance or financial hardship, or something else entirely — please know that you are important. You matter, your feelings matter, you are valuable, and you are deserving of good things. You are worthy and deserving of love, and you are enough, just by Being. Whatever you may be feeling — loneliness, hopelessness, grief, longing, anger, resentment, bitterness, pain, emotional numbness, an emotional ache — I see you. I feel you. I’m with you.

This may sound cliché, or it may feel like it can’t/won’t be true or even remotely possible, but how you are feeling now will not last forever. This isn’t your fate. This is just a time, a season, in your life, and you will pass through this. Things may not change tomorrow, or next week, or the month after, but your life will begin to shift, and not every holiday season will be as this one (or ones past).

Even so, I know how difficult it can be to “see the light” when everything around you feels dark and heavy. But keep going. In the meantime, take very good care of yourself this holiday season (take very good care of yourself always, but especially during the holidays). Do what brings you joy — eating pie (pumpkin heated up just a little is my favorite [cool whip on top optional but delicious]), watching your favorite movie (or binging a series), buying yourself a new mug to drink hot chocolate from, blasting music and singing along in your car, going hiking… whatever it is that lights up your heart and soul, do it for you.

You deserve it.

You deserve to feel joy, and love, and belonging, and comfort, and being seen and heard and understood. All these things do exist, and not just for everyone else — for you too.

Ultimately, ‘the holidays’ are what you make it. I know it doesn’t help that we seem to be flooded with holiday-themed (almost) everything from mid-November (sometimes even earlier) to the end of December, along with depictions of what the holidays “should” look like or what is a “normal/usual” holiday for people, but we can create our own holiday traditions. Whether that be with others, just one other person, or with ourselves. That might look like buying yourself a small Christmas tree to put on your desk, getting yourself a pecan pie, watching a Christmas movie (or a non-Christmas movie), getting cozy in bed as you read a new book, or anything else. It can be really hard not to compare ourselves with other people, and if you do, know that it’s human to do so; don’t beat yourself up for over it. But also — give yourself love in that moment, in whatever way that looks like for you. Focus on you.

Whatever you’re going through this holiday season, I see you, I feel you, and I’m with you.

Take good care of yourself.

When I stop feeling angry, I just feel numb