Overwhelmed.

I don’t know about you, but with all that’s been happening in the world, and in my own life, I have felt so … weighed down, overstimulated, and overwhelmed, for the past few months. (Technically, I’ve felt this way for much longer, but this year all of it has felt even heavier.) I wish I could tell you that I figured out how to make the heaviness magically go away, that I found — or created — a cure, but I haven’t. I sit here, typing this, with an achey lower back and extremely tense neck and trapezius, and a mind (and body) that deeply want to rest, but I’m already thinking about all the tasks I have to do at work tomorrow. In fact, I’ve been thinking about work since yesterday — Saturday. My body feels antsy, like it can’t relax and rest, even though I know that’s what it ultimately needs.

What I ultimately want, and need.

Things have gotten heavier in the world, it seems. Or at least, our awareness of and exposure to all that goes in the world — the joy, the grief, the horror, the love, the pain, the beauty — has been amplified. Like I said before, I don’t have a cure to completely overcoming this heaviness; I think it comes, in part, with being human and with being aware of what’s going on and has been going on in various parts of the world, and in our own communities. But, I have been doing things that make me feel less helpless, amidst the “stormy seas” of everything.

The biggest things have been: focusing on my growth and wellbeing, and sticking to a routine of things that contribute to my wellness.

And — focusing on what I can control.

For now, what this has looked like is:

waking up two hours before I leave for work to go for a walk
using my breaks at work to go for a walk — not stay inside and sit at my desk, scrolling through IG
exercising 5 days/week
keeping track of how much water I drink and trying to reach a daily goal of 64 oz
getting ready for bed before 9 pm so that I (hopefully) won’t lie in bed for 45 minutes - 1+ hour and end up falling asleep around 11 pm, like I used to do
limiting my time on social media — to be honest I’ve not been very good at this
eating less carbs and more protein and vegetables (eating a lot of carbs makes me bloated and feel lethargic and uncomfortable)
stretching every day
alternating my work desk from low/’sitting’ mode to high/’standing’ mode, so I’m not sitting at my desk for about 8 hours five days/week
talking to friends

I feel like many people would think this selfish of me, to focus on my growth and wellbeing. But it’s necessary. Absolutely necessary, for each of us. We don’t all have the same capacities to care for ourselves in the same exact way that others may be able to, but it is important to do what you can.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, or helpless, or just weighed down, do something small for yourself. And then build on from there.

Miriam

Where is my savior? (Haibane Renmei)

To Keep On Going