Gritty Alternatives to Regular Christmas Music

By James

So, it’s that time of year when everybody is playing Christmas music, and what if I’m not feeling Merry and Bright? Sometimes the traditional Christmas playlist brings cheer and comfort, but other times, it is definitely NOT the “most wonderful time of the year,” and the constant choruses are painfully at odds with the depression, loneliness, or loss we feel.

That’s why I’ve been working to put together and alternate Christmas playlist for people like me who just aren’t in the mood for another 12 hours of mf-ing rocking around the mf-ing Christmas tree.

If you can relate and need some more grit in your Christmas playlist, here’s 10 of my favorite “Gritty Christmas Carols” — hope you enjoy. WARNING: I like metal. There’s a lot of metal on here — but I promise it isn’t the screamy, throat-scratchy kind — more in the power metal genre, mostly symphonic. If you don’t like metal in any way, shape or form — that’s okay! Just use this as a seed thought to start your own “Gritty Christmas” playlist!

Okay, let’s start with:

1. Sabaton’s “Christmas Truce”

So, this is a power ballad about the famous “Christmas Truce of 1914”, when opposing troops during World War 1 spontaneously ceased hostilities on the front lines, and celebrated Christmas together.

It’s a banger for sure, and I love the picture it paints of being cold, away from home, in danger of your life, and just reaching for this brief oasis of hope and friendship that transcended even a World War. The bridge gets me every time. The Trenches of WW1 during the winter sound like the most depressing place to be during Christmas, and this song reminds me that — if those kids made it through, I can too.

It’s also super fun to mix this into Holiday playlists and watch people’s faces. It starts off sounding like a regular rendition of Carol Of The Bells, and then gets unhinged from there. :-D

2. Caramella Girls - “Caramelldancing Christmas”

Okay, I always need to defend this one — it is SO over-the-top pop sugar that it gets to be on the gritty playlist JUST BECAUSE you gotta be in a pretty rough place to even appreciate this.

It’s an acquired taste for sure, but I’ve always found europop, Cascada-style dance music helps me get through the dark times.

3. Christmas Overdrive by Digital Distortions

Wow, that was awkward, let’s get back to the heavy stuff! If you’re okay with some power metal, this is a GREAT Christmas workout track to work our your Christmas angst on:

”Merry Christmas my friend, let the chaos begin.” Soothing poetry.

4. Jingle Bells Metal/Rock Covers (Various)

Jingle Bells is probably my favorite Christmas Song of all. It’s a deceptively plot-twisty narrative about a guy taking his crush out on a date, but unfortunately they get into an unfortunate situation. What’s to dislike? We’ve all (hopefully not) been there.

However, in most versions, the singer seems to miss that this song is about a ye-olde version of a car wreck (the dreaded sleigh wreck — Liberty Mutual does not cover these). There’s too much focus on the jingling of bells, and not enough on the jangling of nerves. Remember, the song starts out with “Oh what fun” and ends up with “getting upsot” (whatever that means). So I like the versions below better.

If you’re feeling lean and lank like the Jingle Bells horse, then try a couple of these on for size:

A great Christmas Workout mix version:

An irreverent angry version, from Jonathan Young, a super talented vocalist:

Wait, don’t go! I have a few more!

This one starts out sounding like a regular Christmas carol and then gets super heavy/atmospheric — the shift to a minor key really does it for me:

5. Tchaikovsky: The Nutcracker: Waltz of the Snowflakes

Okay, let’s calm things down for a minute. I really like this chorus from The Nutcracker — very peaceful and soothing. It doesn’t brag about walking in a winter wonderland, but it’s there alongside you to help you remember the beauty of falling snow.

Full song below, but my favorite bit starts at 1:58.

6. Mi Burrito Sabanero - Metal Cover (Paulo Cuevas)

Apparently there’s this Hispanic Christmas carol called “Mi Burrito Sabanero,” which is rarely played in the US. It’s about riding a donkey to Bethlehem, and it’s a banger in it’s own right — here’s a regular version (Which could be a sequel to Feliz Navidad), and the heavy metal version below:

Mild:

Spicy:

7. Theocracy - Wynter Fever

Hey there! If you’re still reading you’re clearly okay with my very eccentric music tastes, so let’s take things a little further into WTF territory.

Seriously, what is this? It’s a 10-minute power ballad about a totally made-up epic love story between Santa’s son and Frosty’s daughter — the ultimate Romeo-and-Juliette-that-nobody-asked for. But the music is amazing, and the band puts so much heart into this . . . This one is so oddly inspiring, I don’t know what to do with it, just sit back and enjoy the ride, I guess!

8. Theocracy-All I Want for Christmas

Wait, don’t go! This is NOT a cover of the sap-fueled “All I want for Christmas is You,” this is completely different! No, this is an oddly-specific Christmas rant about “wanting your old job back.” If you’ve ever gotten fired around Christmas, or faced employment/unemployment woes, you might find this relatable — I certainly have:

“I don’t know what I’m doing

And I feel like a hack

Cuz all I want for Christmas is my old job back.”

9. Theocracy - Rudolph vs Frosty

I promise this is the last one from Theocracy; you can tell I really like them as a band. But, this is probably my favorite one on the list — it’s an over-the-top revenge song about our childhood Christmas favorites getting into an epic grudge-match brawl. It’s upbeat, it’s funny, and it doesn’t pull any punches at the end.

If you can’t take one more round of “Run, Rudolph, Run,” then join me in rooting for his demise (Team Frosty over here):

10. Casting Crowns - I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day

I always like to slow things down at the end of a playlist; and sometimes sad music is the only way to cheer up.

This newer take on an old classic helps me ground during all the Holiday stress and pressures.

“And in despair I bowed my head

There is no peace on earth I said

for hate is strong and marks the song

of peace on earth good will to men

But the bells are ringing . . . “

The original Christmas story isn’t especially merry and bright — it’s a story about an un-planned pregnancy, a broke couple trying to pay their taxes, a medical emergency at the worst moment possible, and a child born into homelessness. That’s all pretty depressing stuff, and the only reason our modern Christmas carols are filled with such over-the-top joy is because that story has brought so much hope to so many people.

The original Jesus-in-the-manger story would be super depressing if we don’t know what happened next, how Jesus would grow up to become the most inspirational figure of the last two millenniums, leading a (Often misunderstood, often misused) love-based revolution that would change the world. And, if you’re a hardcore true-believer like me, you might also believe that Jesus saved us from evil, opening up a door for us to find eternal life after death, putting into perspective all the difficult times we have in this life here.

That’s kinda why I’m searching for these gritty Christmas songs — the merry and bright stuff just doesn’t do the real Christmas story justice.

I think Jesus would appreciate some metal to go along with his gold, frankincense, and myrrh. :-)

Gemini Prompt: “Jesus Christ throwing a Christmas Rock concert wearing a Santa Hat”

If your Holiday season is feeling shitty, just remember, you are not alone. There is hope. The light will triumph over the darkness.

Don’t hesitate to reach out if you want to talk to someone.

Much love,

James