7 reasons why
Have you ever been SO angry, so tired, so frustrated with the world around you that you started thinking about mass shootings? Trust me, you’re not the only one.
It’s a difficult time right now. And during difficult times, we sometimes contemplate desperate actions.
But wait! You have options. You have a chance to be loved, to be seen, to be respected and heard — to become your own hero — and other people’s hero as well. No matter how bad things are, there is a better way.
Whether you’re just starting to think about doing something desperate, or already making plans, let’s take a moment right now to think through the options and alternatives.
Below are a few reasons why nobody should ever plan to commit an act of mass violence.
And, at any point, if you want a good way out – if you want to reach out to someone to talk to, you can just hit one of these buttons to anonymously talk to somebody who can help:
Text, chat, or call a live human for an anonymous, confidential conversation
. . . think of them as “escape buttons.”
If your house is on fire, call 9-1-1, but if it feels like your world is on fire, call 9-8-8 or text “D2L” to “91627.
The calls/texts are free, anonymous, and answered by people who are willing to listen to whatever you want to talk about whenever you are ready.
But if you’re not ready to talk yet, please take a moment to consider these “7 reasons why,” starting with:
1. Things may look out of control, but YOU are still in control.
When things seem out of control, it's natural to feel desperate to control something, anything, just to believe you have some sort of power over the situation.
But the truth is, sometimes the universe is just plain out of control – pure, absurd chaos.
And that's okay.
It’s okay because – no matter how out of control the universe seems – we can always control our reactions to whatever is going on.
In every situation, you get to decide what you do and who you are – and that’s especially true in situations where it feels like everything else is chaotic.
Depression, stress, and pain tell us that we’re powerless, but the truth is that you have the power to take actions to make yourself feel better. And if you’re already on the internet, that means there are resources available to you – you just need to reach out. You can talk to someone right now, no matter how late or early it is.
You deserve to feel heard and seen. And you don’t have to do something desperate to get the world’s attention – there are people, right now, who are ready to listen.
You’re going through a lot. Breathe for a sec. Change is inevitable.
2. This moment is not forever.
Really difficult things might be going on in your life right now. You might be short on cash, have trouble at home, or maybe you lost something or someone you loved. You may be the victim of bullying or abuse, or people may have treated you in a way that makes you feel angry or ashamed or even worthless.
If that’s where you are right now, it really sucks to deal with all that pain and anger. But know that these emotions are temporary and won't last forever. It takes time and effort to heal, but with patience and perseverance, you can overcome whatever challenges you're facing.
The good news is, whatever difficulty you’re going through now or have gone through recently, you are not defined by your past. Nobody is! We all want to overcome the difficulties we are facing and get on to the better things life has to offer. And you can design and be defined by your future. All any of us has to work with is the present moment, and you’re doing the right thing in THIS present moment by being here, reading this. Keep going positively forward, one moment at a time.
One day, you'll look back on this time and be proud that you overcame these challenges. You’ll respect yourself for having learned to cope with so much difficulty, and you can focus your energy on finding people who will uplift you instead of tearing you down. Keep your head up, stay positive, and win the game by outlasting your adversities. You got this!
3. You are not alone.
If you’re feeling alone right now, it’s possible the people in your life are not giving you the love, respect, and support that you need.
“In fact, words like “us” and “we”
not only sounded foreign to me at
5 and 10 and 15;
they sounded like a lie.”
The good news is, the people you know right now – your circle of influence – doesn’t need to stay that way forever.
You might have unsupportive friends or family members right now. Or maybe there are acquaintances in your life – classmates, co-workers, your secret crush – who regularly dump on your hopes and dreams.
Maybe there are even people in your life who are abusing or hurting you. That’s not okay.
If you have these types of toxic people in your life, stay tuned and be open to change. Your real friends and real family are out there, and you can find them.
While you’re searching for your new crew – the close companions that you’ll be able to count on for the fun times, friendship, and support we all crave – you can talk to someone right now and hear a comforting voice in the void:
Text, chat, or call a live human for an anonymous, confidential conversation
I know, I know – talking to a therapist or counselor isn’t the same thing as having a best friend. But they can help guide you through how you are feeling right now so you can start to live your most authentic life – and, at least in this moment, you can have someone to talk to.
If you’re more into action than talking, that’s not a bad thing – but if loneliness is making you contemplate a desperate action, consider that –
4. Depression lies to you.
Depression tells you that nothing matters. It can feel like you’re trapped in a cocoon, and you can’t see any point to the world or your own existence. But depression is really an artificial state of mind – whether due to chemical imbalance or to being surrounded by what feels like hopeless circumstances. It stifles the world around you and prevents you from seeing the good and the hope in it.
Sometimes violence may seem like an easy fix to how you feel, especially when we're used to seeing it in movies and video games. But in real life, it's a totally different story. Nobody ever really “wins” at violence – even the person using violence often suffers in the end, and irreversible damage is not going to help or change anything.
You may think that violence will put you in control, but it won’t – exactly the opposite. Once we choose violence, it controls us, and we can’t predict or manage where it will take us.
For example, some people fantasize about using violence to “go out in a blaze of glory.” Instead, something goes wrong or they are stopped by bystanders or law enforcement and must face a life of prison and legal consequences. Even if they die in the process, there is no glory – only a smear on their names and a life of pain for their families and victims.
These are some of the reasons why it’s smart to stay away from violence. It never goes the way you think – it’s as unpredictable as a storm. It’s much better to find a peaceful solution.
Want some ideas? Here’s some non-violent ways you can take action to stand up for yourself and start to work toward changing the bad things around you.
5. Life always produces change.
Perhaps you’re thinking you want to make a big statement to vent your frustration. You want to bring about change or call attention the to abuse you experience at the hands of those you see as enemies, and you feel that violence is the only way that anyone will listen to you.
But violence is a one-time act with very little chance of helping anything. Real change is accomplished by people who dedicate their lives to a goal. If you really want to bring about change, the best way to do that is to remain alive and free to make your own choices so that you can devote yourself to it. It may take patience and time, but it’s the only way to guarantee lasting change.
As long as you’re alive, you have a chance to make a difference. Life — not death — yields great results.
6. “Different” is a myth.
If you’re thinking about doing something reckless, it could be because you feel . . .
Angry . . .
Alone . . .
Afraid . . .
Threatened . . .
Attacked . . .
Persecuted . . .
Mistreated . . .
. . . And you feel like it’s time to retaliate, to counterattack against the world that has treated you this way. But guess what? The people who might get hurt in an attack feel the same way. It may not be obvious, but they are also feeling this same pain.
It’s part of being human. Life is often really hard and really painful – for everyone. Even if they’re good at hiding it. Attacking these people would be like attacking yourself.
No one deserves to be harmed. When things feel really bad, it can feel like everything is someone else’s fault. Maybe it feels like a group of bullies deserve to be harmed because of the emotional pain they cause. Or like someone is belittling and rude and deserves to be punished for that.
Taking action against bullies may seem like the answer, but many of these people are likely struggling with some of the same hurt and pain you face.
Instead, what if you did something that helped yourself – and also helped them, too?
Sometimes, a hero is someone who does something great. But other times, a hero is someone who doesn’t do something – who chooses to turn away, who refuses to go down a path.
You could be a hero right now by choosing not to do this thing – you’d be saving yourself, but you’d also be saving everyone else.
Here’s a story of someone like you who made a similar heroic choice:
7. The Future is full of options.
Okay, so here’s the thing: if you’re here, it means you’re probably the type of person who’s capable of action – a doer, somebody who can make a plan, follow-through, and be successful. You’re probably smart, capable, and completely underestimated by the world. Nobody knows what you’re capable of.
If that’s true – if that describes you, then you have SO MANY better options than violence. Imagine what you could accomplish if you set the goal of changing your circumstances, improving your life, and getting to a place where you are happy, fulfilled, loved, and satisfied.
Think about it right now.
What would that look like?
If you’re as smart, capable, and determined as I think you are, then a better life – a wonderful life – is within your reach.
Please, take a moment and tell yourself:
You can stop people from hurting you.
You can start a new life
You can get a great job
You can have a great relationship
You can become financially smart
You can become really healthy and fit
You can pursue your passions
Whether you’re dealing with a broken heart, a broken home, broken dreams, a broken life, broken promises, or even a broken world, what is broken CAN be fixed. You can recover from this, and people are ready to help you.